Lazy Monday...for Kids!

I know I'm not the first one to have discovered this video.

It could seriously screw up my dreams for quite some time:
Lazy Monday

Two 11-year-olds on MLK weekend took advantage of their Monday off from school to bring you this horrifying re-creation.

Great Moments in Headlines

This is probably just a coincidence. But then again...




Nah, what was I thinking? Cheney would never associate with the likes of the "liberal Hollywood elite".

Source: CNN.com

Sticking It To The Oxford English Dictionary

Very often, when it's a slow day in the office, workers tend to run down the same mundane to-do list:

1. Check CNN.com for Breaking News
2. Check GMail
3. Instant message co-worker asking if they have any snacks
4. Check CNN.com for Breaking News, end up reading about Gilmore Girls
5. Get some water
6. Submit hours
7. Play with staple remover
8. Read Wall Street Journal Online
9. Doodle
10. Get some water
11. Check Slate.com, read Explainer article about 4-hour+ erections
12. CNN.com
13. Debate international politics with Pakistani co-worker
14. Get some water
15. Go to the bathroom and ask yourself why've you drank so much water today
16. CNN.com

OR

You could do what I did and set a new world record. My first choice for a world record was already snagged up by this guy, so I decided to collaborate with a co-worker to develop the longest word in the English language. To our knowledge (an 8 combined years of Ivy League educations), the two longest English words in existence were:

• Floccinaucinihilipilification (29 letters) and
• Antidisestablishmentarianism (28 letters)

Obviously, our goal was to crack 30 letters. After a surprisingly short amount of time -- oh, 15 minutes -- we hit the 31 letter mark:

Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobic

If one were so inclined, one could simply extract the various prefixes and suffixes to get a general sense of this incredible word's meaning. Since I can only assume that you have more to do than just read this crap all day, I'll happily provide the official defintion:

Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobic: Someone suffering from
Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia

And I think we all know what that means!

Okay fine, we actually came up with two words, and the official creation is actually:

Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia: The fear of over-using multisyllabic words as a result of a high blood-to-sugar ratio.

Someone get me a flight suit, because it's "Mission Accomplished"!

Or so we thought. As it happens, Oxford Dictionaries is quick to point out that "most of the words which are given as 'the longest word' are merely inventions, and when they occur it is almost always as examples of long words, rather than as genuine examples of use." Well, Oxford, put this in your loquacious pipe and conflagrate it:

Chris, a life-long victim of hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia, was meticulous in destroying all of his brother's dictionaries and thesauruses before sitting down for his ice cream sundae. "Gosh," Chris exclaimed, "I sure do like hot fudge!"

I expect a call from the OED any day now.

VH1's I Love The 20's

I know what you're thinking. "I Love the 20's" is not a real show...yet. But if you're like me, you probably devote a good 2-3 hours a day pontificating on how amazing a show like this could prove to be.

Let's face it: The 20's rocked last century hard.

What other decade can match the badassness of the 20's? Perhaps those posers in the 30's, with their Dust Bowl and Jewish persecution in Germany? No. Sure, the Empire State Building opened in 1931, but when was most of it built? The 20's.

The 20's could have been its own century: Speakeasies, flappers, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Scopes trial, the stock market crash, the Yankees, George Gershwin, and Freud. And really, wouldn't you just love to hear Michael Ian Black do 45 seconds on the discovery of Insulin?

Blizzard 2006

More...

Confuscious This Isn't

I get the sense that my local Chinese place is getting lazy in the fortune cookie department. They've ditched the prediction and have settled on bite-size pieces of common sense:

When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out-- because that's what's inside

This is really disappointing...

Getting High and Seeing Double

Recently the former Full House star Jodie Sweetin announced that she was a recovering methamphetamine addict.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that this doesn't affect our feelings about Jodie one bit. She was the quintessential middle child of early 90's television: As Stephanie Tanner, she lacked the maturity to be a role model, yet wasn't cute enough to be precocious. She was just...annoying. She didn't have the famous brother that DJ/Candice Cameron had in Kirk (please click this link, it's incredible). She didn't have the flowing hair of Jesse/John Stamos (who incidentally is showing signs of life with Jake in Progress-- and who would have thought there was life after F.H.?), and she didn't have the creepiness of the Olsen Twins®.

Speaking of which, here's my favorite part of the "Jodie as Meth Head" saga:

After a three-day "lost" weekend, reportedly followed by an intervention staged by her former Full House costars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget, Sweetin checked herself in to the Promises rehab facility for six weeks of intense treatment.

How far gone do you need to be for MK&A to stage an intervention??? More importantly, ask yourself this brain-bender:

If MK&A were part of my intervention, I'd...
(a) Seriously consider staying on drugs to see how many times they visit
(b) Seriously consider whether I was still high at the time
(c) Vomit a little
(d) All of the above

And don't tell Jodie, but she looks better now! People are talking about her again, and writing articles about her life! What kind of lesson does any girl learn when meth's been so good to a childhood star? Without meth, Jodie was just a washed-up has-been, married to a cop on the LAPD, 24 years old and bored. She couldn't even get an E! True Hollywood Story.

The Olsens got an A&E Biography special.

Jodie Sweetin did crank for fun.