Friday, December 30, 2005

Something To Keep You Up At Night

Thanks to the wonders of modern nuclear physicists and Google Maps, HYDESim provides us with the opportunity to simulate the destruction zone of a nuclear bomb explosion.

As if New Yorkers didn't have enough to be paranoid about.

Before I dashed underneath my sheets and began whimpering like a maimed puppy dog, I had enough energy to simulate the destruction radius of a 50 kiloton bomb detonating in Times Square. For those keeping track, our ancient Hiroshima nuke was 22 kilotons. By default, the website loads a 100 KT bomb, with a central blast located somewhere in mid-SoHo. I thought 50 KT was a reasonable modern-day, modern-made bomb.

Call me curious. Call me stupid. Call me masochistic.

The bad news is that most of the New York City we know and love (namely Manhattan) would suffer immediate and complete destruction. Even if many of the large buildings absorbed fractions of the blast, all of Midtown and almost all of Downtown and Uptown would suffer moderate to severe damage. Even Hoboken would feel the effects. The good news is that I would probably die so quickly that my brain couldn't process what was happening.

And thanks to a 2002 New York Times Magazine article by now-executive editor Bill Keller (p.22), I know that even if the pressure of the blast didn't kill me and destroy my home, anyone exposed to the quarter-mile fireball "would die a gruesome death from radiation sickness within a day -- anyone, that is, who survived the third-degree burns." So I've got that going for me, which is nice. But get this: Keller's hypothetical explosion only discusses a one-kiloton explosion! The wimp!

Granted, the likelihood of any of scenarios coming to fruition is quite slim. But I still can't help but feel a knot in the pit of my stomach when I hear the deep rumble of a subway passing under the street at night, and I wonder if that's just the noise of successive buildings collapsing, getting nearer, and nearer, and nearer...

****************************************

My prediction is that I will continue to grow up within a peer group who remain perpetually in an elevated state of alert. Historians will begin to refer to us as the Code Orange Generation. We were a generation of kids who didn't have the historic significance of our parents. We didn't have moon landings or Woodstocks. We didn't have Kennedy assassinations or Vietnams or Koreas. Until September 11th, 2001, we were a complacent, sheltered generation who watched a televised war the way we watched a Spielberg or Coppola movie, only with less emotional connection. We didn't have a massively significant event to call our historical milestone. We lacked definition.

19 men with 4 airplanes changed that in a matter of minutes.

Now sociologists will have something to write about. We are the first group of modern voters whose first presidential vote could have hinged solely on the need to feel safe at home. This is a veritable party of Linuses who just need their security blanket. These are children who allow this search for safety to trump all other beliefs, even if that means voting for the other party's candidate. But just looking at 2004 or 2008 is too myopic to be conclusive. Only time will tell.

Ultimately, the source of our fear can be summed up quite well by the cover of that NYT Magazine from 2002: The worst reason why we won't suffer a nuclear attack in a major U.S. city is because it hasn't happened yet.

Scared yet? Shouldn't we be?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A Brave New World of Recreation

I am officially scared.

We have just spiralled head-first into the future. I'm talking Back to the Future Part II (2015) [1.21 gigawatts!!], Blade Runner (2019), Total Recall (2084), and even 12 Monkeys. Well, not 12 Monkeys because that takes place in a much less tech-savvy future that looks too much like the present day. So let's go with...Minority Report. Yep, that works better, and that takes place in 2054 which should be a good year.

So where was I?

Oh right: I am completely freaked out.

Interactive Productline has invented a game where people are on opposite ends of a court, and each end of the court has a goal. The purpose of the game is to roll the ball into the opponent's goal, think foosball without the spinning poles. Only here's the kicker:

You roll the ball using your mind.

There is no way you have misinterpretted what I have just written. There's no trick and no catch:

Mindball® is an experience product, a game where two players control a ball with their brain waves. The player being most relaxed wins the game. The brain waves are detected by sensors attached to the headbands...

It is beyond me why this game hasn't received more press. But this is a clear sign that 2006 will inevitably bring with it flying cars, meals in a pill, and a harvesting field full of unconscious embryos linked to a collective virtual reality controlled by machines.

Right?

Dude, Is That Your Genetic Substance On The Wall?

dna 11 has come up with one of the great additions to modern home decoration. Their art is to genetic aesthetics what the Chia Pet was to grass-covered ceramics-- it defines a new, untapped, and unknown market to the masses.

Now all I need is $490 and a Q-tip to swab my cheek...

By the way, this image is NOT what dna 11's product looks like...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Slipping My Camera Some Roofies

I took my new camera up to the roof, and stole its virginity.



Sunday, December 18, 2005

You're The Apple Store Of My Eye


Did I really shower, dress, and do my hair just to go shopping at the Apple Store in SoHo?

As turns out, there wasn't anyone even remotely appealing there tonight, just a bunch of normal people inevitably picking up last minute presents.

I suppose I just came on a bad night:

SoHo Apple Store As Single's Scene

Babes In Toyland

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Sarcasm, Nightly News-Style

Brian Williams: #1 in news, #1 in sarcastic political banter --
Williams: And how is [your father, Bush 41]?
President Bush: Still married to mom.
Williams: That's good. Glad to hear it, because we were worried that it wouldn't work out.
Link

Highlights:
  1. When asked if Bush thought he was incorrect to assume that U.S. troops would be welcomed as liberators in Iraq, Bush's reply began, "I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." WHAT?! Does he hear himself speak?? Do you think he even buys what he's selling? President Bush, philosopher king you are not.
  2. Count the number of times Bush begins a sentence with "I think..." and catches himself, quickly re-phrasing to "I know...". Has he been coached to display unwavering confidence in EVERY spoken word?

Monday, December 12, 2005

More Gangsta Than You Think

Actually, less. Significantly less gangsta than you think. Exponentially less gangsta. I can't even say the word "gangsta" with any credibility, or "cred" as it were.

So in spite of that, the Gangsta Name Generator delivers fun for all ages and gangster levels, from just a little shorty up to what Ja Rule thinks he is but isn't.

I gotta say, I'm pretty proud of my result:

How'd they know my childhood nickname?

Arite, time to peace.

Sincerely yours,
SDTJ