Elephant Walk 2005

This is easily the worst name for an event ever. However it's nonetheless remarkable to watch 9 elephants strut down 34th Street at midnight.

Here's how it works: Ringling Brothers' Barnum & Bailey Circus transports their elephants via train. Said train can't make it into Manhattan. Therefore said circus sends said train to Queens, gets the DOT (Dept. of Transportation) to shut down the Queens-Midtown tunnel, and herds said elephants across the city and right into Madison Square Garden. 'Nuff said.

It's really a sight to be seen, especially when crowds of people tear down the street to keep up with the cuddly pachyderms. Then you throw dozens of screaming PETA activists into the mix, add some mixed veggies and chicken stock, and you got yourself a stew going on.

See the full gallery here.


Elephant Walk on 34th and 7th 3/22/2005


New York is a zoo

Bill O'Reilly Sucks

Dear Mr. Crenshaw,

I've decided that I wasn't thrilled with how I started my very first post. I mean, if I was writing a novel, I'd try to think of something that just grabs you, something that forces you to turn the page. For instance, Peter Pan began:

All children, except one, grow up.

Yes, perfect! I was then reminded that I'm a 50 year old man stuck in a 20-something's body, so that was nixed. Perhaps:

Call me Ishmael.

I was also reminded my name wasn't--and still isn't-- Ishmael.

Call me Jonah.

Same problem.

It was during that brief moment of lucid clarity that I realized this was going to be harder than I thought.

My sentiments exactly.

So maybe the classics aren't the best for inspiration. Perhaps something more crude & basic would be appropriate and entertaining. So I turned to the crudest and most basic piece of writing that I could think of: Bill O'Reilly's (yep, that Bill O'Reilly) first and only attempt at a novel, called "Genital Warts and Me".

Actually, it was called "Those Who Trespass." And while two sentences ago I was thinking of reprinting some of it for you, upon a second review of the material I realized that family members might read this, and since the best parts of this book are poorly written depictions of awkward oral sex (one scene between a killer and an unknowing reporter, and another scene between a 15-year old-crack whore and her pimp ["Say baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up."]) I've changed my mind.

Speaking of Bill O'Reilly, I implore you to read Al Franken's "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right". Regardless of your political persuasion, it is easily one of the best books I've read in the last five years next to Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point".

So here I am 325 words later, a little older and a little wiser, still sans opening line. But really, what do you care? I doubt anyone reads this. I'm just writing something to avoid cleaning the apartment. So here it goes... rock n' roll... oh, and my lunch just arrived:

Call me David.

$20 Worth of McDonald's

This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine...

For the record: I will not be one of those people who makes daily posts unnecessarily. If my day amounts to clipping my fingernails & kicking hobos, you will not hear about it (kicking gypsies are a different story). However, if my day consists of eating $20 worth of McDonald's on my own volition, I'll be damned if you don't get the blow-by-blow color commentary.

For those curious, $20.02 at McDonald's gets you:

• 1 Big Mac
• 1 Chicken McGrill
• 2 Quarter Pounders w/Cheese (if you ever say "Pound One", our friendship ends)
• 1 Cheeseburger
• 1 10-piece of Chicken McNuggets
• 1/2 gallon of Sprite
• The eternal respect & admiration of Shaniqua, the McDonald's cashier and aspiring assistant manager in the Micky D's @ 52rd & 3rd. Do what you do, baby!

Yep, I'm a regular Morgan Spurlock. It's 2 years later and I'm still reeling from the experience.

But I digress.

Welcome readers. I hope you enjoy these ramblings.