Got a Little (hic) Captain In Ya?

Have you seen these commercials for Captain Morgan's Original Spiced Rum? It's the 30-second spot where they show a bunch of average people in average situations, posing just like the Captain Morgan cartoon on the bottle's label: Hand on the waist, chest puffed out, left leg is hoisted up.

It's a weird commercial. But it gets weirder when the slogan appears: "Got a little Captain in ya?"

Is it me, or are they asking if you literally have Captain Morgan's rum in you, like, now? Next time you watch it, keep that in mind. If it helps, say the words "...and I've just been guzzling rum!" every time the commercial presents a new person in a new situation.

• I'm going through an airport security checkpoint...and I've just been guzzling rum!
• I'm cooking in kitchen in the middle of the day...and I've just been guzzling rum!
• I'm getting a check-up at the doctor...and I've just been guzzling rum!

And it keeps on going. One guy is shown fixing the IT in a corporate server room. Another is working in the stacks of a library. Yet another is shown about to start examining some guy's mouth at a dentist's office.

I've gotta ask-- is this a commercial for recreational drinking, or just a promotion for alcoholism? Are any of these situations ones where you think to yourself, "Sure, this is fine, but man I should be DRUNK!"

These are people at their jobs, mainly in the service industry. How does this sell more liquor?

What this commercial teaches me is that, according to Captain Morgan, life would be better if I was tanked by noon. Well thanks, Captain, but I don't need a commercial to learn that. I could have just asked the bum outside my building for his strategy to success.

I think that if C.M. is gonna advocate my bum's lifestyle, then the new C.M. labels should show the Captain lying in the crevice between two buildings, curled up under a bunch of newspapers, in a puddle of his own urine, with a bottle of rum in his hand.

Don't worry-- we'll make sure the bottle is Captain Morgan's brand, just so everyone knows HE has a little Captain in him.