Go Bombers - 6th Ave. in Chelsea
2 years ago
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Eggplant
I just heard that Otto has some fantastic eggplant.
So, just in case you just moved to the city from, oh, I don't know, New Zealand, and just happen to be looking for great eggplant...well, there you go.
And as long as I'm writing messages to specific people, here's something unrelated: Hello, Peter Chavkin!
So, just in case you just moved to the city from, oh, I don't know, New Zealand, and just happen to be looking for great eggplant...well, there you go.
And as long as I'm writing messages to specific people, here's something unrelated: Hello, Peter Chavkin!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
If Your Hand is Bigger Than Your Face, Then You're...
I used handsoap last night to wash my face, and now I think my face smells like hand.
Frankly, I'm not sure if that's a step up or down. I typically use algae facial cleanser, but I'm becoming worried that I'll start to smell like phytoplankton. Plus there's some serious cognitive dissonance brewing when it comes to paying $20 for 4 ounces of face soap. And yet I continue to do so...
Frankly, I'm not sure if that's a step up or down. I typically use algae facial cleanser, but I'm becoming worried that I'll start to smell like phytoplankton. Plus there's some serious cognitive dissonance brewing when it comes to paying $20 for 4 ounces of face soap. And yet I continue to do so...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
01:02:03 04-05-06
Thanks to Evan for pointing this out.
No, this is not 4-8-15-16-23-42.
The time and date is officially:
01:02:03 04/05/06
I should really get to sleep.
No, this is not 4-8-15-16-23-42.
The time and date is officially:
01:02:03 04/05/06
I should really get to sleep.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
L&O in the NYC
When people from elsewhere move to New York City, various metrics are employed to identify the moment they consider themselves "part" of the city.
For some, it's when they can freely travel via subway without consulting the map. For others, that moment is when they walk down the streets without staring up at the tall buildings like a tourist anymore. Or when they put their dishes into storage and start ordering in dinner. Or when they start eating that dinner at 10 o'clock at night.
All of these people have one thing in common: They are all wrong.
This morning I learned that there's only one requisite event that qualifies as the true New York living experience: when Law & Order films outside your building.
Yes, it has finally happened.
Which L&O? No clue. What actors were on scene? Haven't the faintest idea, they were locked up in their trailers. But the trailers were there, damn it, blocking traffic, looking important, and that is all that matters. Now I just have to watch all 300 versions of the show every week until my building is featured with that "dun dun" sound effect.
For some, it's when they can freely travel via subway without consulting the map. For others, that moment is when they walk down the streets without staring up at the tall buildings like a tourist anymore. Or when they put their dishes into storage and start ordering in dinner. Or when they start eating that dinner at 10 o'clock at night.
All of these people have one thing in common: They are all wrong.
This morning I learned that there's only one requisite event that qualifies as the true New York living experience: when Law & Order films outside your building.
Yes, it has finally happened.
Which L&O? No clue. What actors were on scene? Haven't the faintest idea, they were locked up in their trailers. But the trailers were there, damn it, blocking traffic, looking important, and that is all that matters. Now I just have to watch all 300 versions of the show every week until my building is featured with that "dun dun" sound effect.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Why Is Bill Maher the Loudest Voice for the Environment?
While I don't have his permission to re-print this partial transcript, Bill Maher has managed to nail the pro-environment discussion better than any politician I've heard. I figure if one more person starts attending to this world's climate issues, this is worth it.
Now, without further ado, here is Bill Maher's closing monologue on "Real Time with Bill Maher", from March 24th, 2006:
-------------------------------------------------
New Rule: Nobody can use the phrase “our greatest problem” anymore unless you're talking about global warming. President Bush has been saying we're in a war on terror, and now I get it. He's not saying “terror,” he's saying “terra” as in “terra firma,” as in the Earth. George Bush is an alien sent here to destroy the Earth! I know it sounds crazy, but it made perfect sense when Tom Cruise explained it to me last week.
Now, last week on “60 Minutes,” James Hansen, who is NASA's leading expert on the science of climate delivered the world's most important message. He said, “We have to, in the next ten years, begin to decrease the rate of carbon dioxide emissions and then flatten it out. If that doesn't happen in ten years, we're going to be passing certain tipping points. If the ice sheets begin to disintegrate, what can you do about it? You can't tie a rope around an ice sheet.” Although I know a certain cowboy from Crawford who might think you could.
And that cowboy and his corporate goons at the White House tried to censor Mr. Hansen from delivering that message, claiming such warnings were speculative. This from the crowd that rushed into a war based on an article in the Weekly Standard. This – this from the guy who thinks Kyoto is that Japanese emperor dude his dad threw up on.
Global warming is not speculative. It threatens us enough so that it should be considered a national security issue. Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction – and that's what global warming is – in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits, for me, the definition of treason. And codified treason. [applause]
Please, wait a second. The guy in the White House who made the edits was Phil Cooney, who had been an oil industry lobbyist before given this job as head of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. That's the office that is supposed to be watching out for us. But that's where Phil busied himself crossing stuff out in scientists' reports, because apparently in Phil's mind, he hadn't switched jobs. He was just doing his old job – oil industry lobbyist – from a different office. You know, in the “people's house.”
Republicans have succeeded in making the environment about some tie-dyed dude from Seattle who lives in a solar-powered yurt and eats twigs. It's not. This issue should be driven by something conservatives are much more familiar with: utter selfishness. That's my motivation. I don't want to live my golden years having to put on a hazmat suit just to go down and get the mail. Those are my Viagra years. When I'll be thinking about having children.
But I wouldn't know what to tell a kid about our world in 20 years. “Dad, tell me about the birds and bees.” “They're all gone. Now, eat your Soylent Green.” We are letting dying men kill our planet for cash, and they're counting on us being too greedy or distracted, or just plain lazy, to stop them.
So, on this day, the 17 th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill, let us pause to consider how close we are to making ourselves fossils from the fossil fuels we extract. In the next 20 years, almost a billion Chinese people will be trading in their bicycles for the automobile. Folks, we either get our shit together on this quickly, or we're going to have to go to Plan B: inventing a car that runs on Chinese people.
Now, without further ado, here is Bill Maher's closing monologue on "Real Time with Bill Maher", from March 24th, 2006:
-------------------------------------------------
New Rule: Nobody can use the phrase “our greatest problem” anymore unless you're talking about global warming. President Bush has been saying we're in a war on terror, and now I get it. He's not saying “terror,” he's saying “terra” as in “terra firma,” as in the Earth. George Bush is an alien sent here to destroy the Earth! I know it sounds crazy, but it made perfect sense when Tom Cruise explained it to me last week.
Now, last week on “60 Minutes,” James Hansen, who is NASA's leading expert on the science of climate delivered the world's most important message. He said, “We have to, in the next ten years, begin to decrease the rate of carbon dioxide emissions and then flatten it out. If that doesn't happen in ten years, we're going to be passing certain tipping points. If the ice sheets begin to disintegrate, what can you do about it? You can't tie a rope around an ice sheet.” Although I know a certain cowboy from Crawford who might think you could.
And that cowboy and his corporate goons at the White House tried to censor Mr. Hansen from delivering that message, claiming such warnings were speculative. This from the crowd that rushed into a war based on an article in the Weekly Standard. This – this from the guy who thinks Kyoto is that Japanese emperor dude his dad threw up on.
Global warming is not speculative. It threatens us enough so that it should be considered a national security issue. Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction – and that's what global warming is – in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits, for me, the definition of treason. And codified treason. [applause]
Please, wait a second. The guy in the White House who made the edits was Phil Cooney, who had been an oil industry lobbyist before given this job as head of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. That's the office that is supposed to be watching out for us. But that's where Phil busied himself crossing stuff out in scientists' reports, because apparently in Phil's mind, he hadn't switched jobs. He was just doing his old job – oil industry lobbyist – from a different office. You know, in the “people's house.”
Republicans have succeeded in making the environment about some tie-dyed dude from Seattle who lives in a solar-powered yurt and eats twigs. It's not. This issue should be driven by something conservatives are much more familiar with: utter selfishness. That's my motivation. I don't want to live my golden years having to put on a hazmat suit just to go down and get the mail. Those are my Viagra years. When I'll be thinking about having children.
But I wouldn't know what to tell a kid about our world in 20 years. “Dad, tell me about the birds and bees.” “They're all gone. Now, eat your Soylent Green.” We are letting dying men kill our planet for cash, and they're counting on us being too greedy or distracted, or just plain lazy, to stop them.
So, on this day, the 17 th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill, let us pause to consider how close we are to making ourselves fossils from the fossil fuels we extract. In the next 20 years, almost a billion Chinese people will be trading in their bicycles for the automobile. Folks, we either get our shit together on this quickly, or we're going to have to go to Plan B: inventing a car that runs on Chinese people.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Nappy Brown Is Smiling
Is it weird that whenever I hear Ray Charles' "(The Night Time Is) The Right Time", all I can think about is Rudy Huxtable belting out --okay, lip syncing-- "Bay-bay!!! Bay-bay!!!"?You know, on The Cosby Show?
Season Two, 1985... the episode where they help celebrate Cliff Huxtable's parents' 49th wedding anniversary. It... single-handedly helped the show become a huge ratings winner!!
It was episode #27: "Happy Anniversary"
Seriously, nothing?
Fine, I'll answer for you. No, that is not weird. We all remember that episode, and we all think of it every time that song comes on. In fact, your detailed recounting of that scene is not only frightening, but also quite impressive!
Thank you. That was all I needed to hear.
I See You Looking At Me
It's been three weeks since I've posted anything new. Most likely, anyone resembling a regular reader has abandoned me. Serves me right.
If it's any consolation, I resigned from my job in favor of a new investment banking position. I rarely post anything personal here, so consider this an exception. Strike that. Consider this "excuse foreshadowing". If I didn't have time before to write regularly before, then investment banking is definitely going to be the nail in the coffin. Get ready for timestamps in the order of 4am.
To me, returning to writing is like getting back on a gym schedule after a hiatus. You can't expect to bench the same weight you did before taking time off. Instead, you have to pace yourself, and start slow. Otherwise, you could hurt yourself or accidentally offend countless minorities while attempting to be clever. In addition, this metaphor has reminded me that I haven't gone to the gym in a month; I should probably get on that.
Anyway, here's my metaphorical "10 minutes on the treadmill", just to get you all warmed up again:
What to Do if Your Eyeball Falls Out of Its Socket
This is pretty much one of the top 10 creepiest how-to's out there.
If it's any consolation, I resigned from my job in favor of a new investment banking position. I rarely post anything personal here, so consider this an exception. Strike that. Consider this "excuse foreshadowing". If I didn't have time before to write regularly before, then investment banking is definitely going to be the nail in the coffin. Get ready for timestamps in the order of 4am.
To me, returning to writing is like getting back on a gym schedule after a hiatus. You can't expect to bench the same weight you did before taking time off. Instead, you have to pace yourself, and start slow. Otherwise, you could hurt yourself or accidentally offend countless minorities while attempting to be clever. In addition, this metaphor has reminded me that I haven't gone to the gym in a month; I should probably get on that.
Anyway, here's my metaphorical "10 minutes on the treadmill", just to get you all warmed up again:
What to Do if Your Eyeball Falls Out of Its Socket
This is pretty much one of the top 10 creepiest how-to's out there.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Lazy Monday...for Kids!
I know I'm not the first one to have discovered this video.
It could seriously screw up my dreams for quite some time:
Lazy Monday
Two 11-year-olds on MLK weekend took advantage of their Monday off from school to bring you this horrifying re-creation.
It could seriously screw up my dreams for quite some time:
Lazy Monday
Two 11-year-olds on MLK weekend took advantage of their Monday off from school to bring you this horrifying re-creation.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Great Moments in Headlines
This is probably just a coincidence. But then again...
Nah, what was I thinking? Cheney would never associate with the likes of the "liberal Hollywood elite".
Source: CNN.com
Nah, what was I thinking? Cheney would never associate with the likes of the "liberal Hollywood elite".
Source: CNN.com
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Sticking It To The Oxford English Dictionary
Very often, when it's a slow day in the office, workers tend to run down the same mundane to-do list:
You could do what I did and set a new world record. My first choice for a world record was already snagged up by this guy, so I decided to collaborate with a co-worker to develop the longest word in the English language. To our knowledge (an 8 combined years of Ivy League educations), the two longest English words in existence were:
Okay fine, we actually came up with two words, and the official creation is actually:
Or so we thought. As it happens, Oxford Dictionaries is quick to point out that "most of the words which are given as 'the longest word' are merely inventions, and when they occur it is almost always as examples of long words, rather than as genuine examples of use." Well, Oxford, put this in your loquacious pipe and conflagrate it:
- Check CNN.com for Breaking News
- Check GMail
- Instant message co-worker asking if they have any snacks
- Check CNN.com for Breaking News, end up reading about Gilmore Girls
- Get some water
- Submit hours
- Play with staple remover
- Read Wall Street Journal Online
- Doodle
- Get some water
- Check Slate.com, read Explainer article about 4-hour+ erections
- CNN.com
- Debate international politics with Pakistani co-worker
- Get some water
- Go to the bathroom and ask yourself why've you drank so much water today
- CNN.com
You could do what I did and set a new world record. My first choice for a world record was already snagged up by this guy, so I decided to collaborate with a co-worker to develop the longest word in the English language. To our knowledge (an 8 combined years of Ivy League educations), the two longest English words in existence were:
- Floccinaucinihilipilification (29 letters) and
- Antidisestablishmentarianism (28 letters)
HyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobicIf one were so inclined, one could simply extract the various prefixes and suffixes to get a general sense of this incredible word's meaning. Since I can only assume that you have more to do than just read this crap all day, I'll happily provide the official defintion:
Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobic: Someone suffering fromAnd I think we all know what that means!
Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia
Okay fine, we actually came up with two words, and the official creation is actually:
Hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia: The fear of over-using multisyllabic words as a result of a high blood-to-sugar ratio.Someone get me a flight suit, because it's "Mission Accomplished"!
Or so we thought. As it happens, Oxford Dictionaries is quick to point out that "most of the words which are given as 'the longest word' are merely inventions, and when they occur it is almost always as examples of long words, rather than as genuine examples of use." Well, Oxford, put this in your loquacious pipe and conflagrate it:
Chris, a life-long victim of hyperglycemisesquipedaliaphobia, was meticulous in destroying all of his brother's dictionaries and thesauruses before sitting down for his ice cream sundae. "Gosh," Chris exclaimed, "I sure do like hot fudge!"I expect a call from the OED any day now.
Monday, February 13, 2006
VH1's I Love The 20's
I know what you're thinking. "I Love the 20's" is not a real show...yet. But if you're like me, you probably devote a good 2-3 hours a day pontificating on how amazing a show like this could prove to be.
Let's face it: The 20's rocked last century hard.
What other decade can match the badassness of the 20's? Perhaps those posers in the 30's, with their Dust Bowl and Jewish persecution in Germany? No. Sure, the Empire State Building opened in 1931, but when was most of it built? The 20's.
The 20's could have been its own century: Speakeasies, flappers, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Scopes trial, the stock market crash, the Yankees, George Gershwin, and Freud. And really, wouldn't you just love to hear Michael Ian Black do 45 seconds on the discovery of Insulin?
Let's face it: The 20's rocked last century hard.
What other decade can match the badassness of the 20's? Perhaps those posers in the 30's, with their Dust Bowl and Jewish persecution in Germany? No. Sure, the Empire State Building opened in 1931, but when was most of it built? The 20's.
The 20's could have been its own century: Speakeasies, flappers, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Scopes trial, the stock market crash, the Yankees, George Gershwin, and Freud. And really, wouldn't you just love to hear Michael Ian Black do 45 seconds on the discovery of Insulin?
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Confuscious This Isn't
I get the sense that my local Chinese place is getting lazy in the fortune cookie department. They've ditched the prediction and have settled on bite-size pieces of common sense:
This is really disappointing...When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out-- because that's what's inside
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Getting High and Seeing Double
Recently the former Full House star Jodie Sweetin announced that she was a recovering methamphetamine addict.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that this doesn't affect our feelings about Jodie one bit. She was the quintessential middle child of early 90's television: As Stephanie Tanner, she lacked the maturity to be a role model, yet wasn't cute enough to be precocious. She was just...annoying. She didn't have the famous brother that DJ/Candice Cameron had in Kirk (please click this link, it's incredible). She didn't have the flowing hair of Jesse/John Stamos (who incidentally is showing signs of life with Jake in Progress-- and who would have thought there was life after F.H.?), and she didn't have the creepiness of the Olsen Twins®.
Speaking of which, here's my favorite part of the "Jodie as Meth Head" saga:
If MK&A were part of my intervention, I'd...
(a) Seriously consider staying on drugs to see how many times they visit
(b) Seriously consider whether I was still high at the time
(c) Vomit a little
(d) All of the above
And don't tell Jodie, but she looks better now! People are talking about her again, and writing articles about her life! What kind of lesson does any girl learn when meth's been so good to a childhood star? Without meth, Jodie was just a washed-up has-been, married to a cop on the LAPD, 24 years old and bored. She couldn't even get an E! True Hollywood Story.
The Olsens got an A&E Biography special.
Jodie Sweetin did crank for fun.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that this doesn't affect our feelings about Jodie one bit. She was the quintessential middle child of early 90's television: As Stephanie Tanner, she lacked the maturity to be a role model, yet wasn't cute enough to be precocious. She was just...annoying. She didn't have the famous brother that DJ/Candice Cameron had in Kirk (please click this link, it's incredible). She didn't have the flowing hair of Jesse/John Stamos (who incidentally is showing signs of life with Jake in Progress-- and who would have thought there was life after F.H.?), and she didn't have the creepiness of the Olsen Twins®.
Speaking of which, here's my favorite part of the "Jodie as Meth Head" saga:
After a three-day "lost" weekend, reportedly followed by an intervention staged by her former Full House costars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget, Sweetin checked herself in to the Promises rehab facility for six weeks of intense treatment.How far gone do you need to be for MK&A to stage an intervention??? More importantly, ask yourself this brain-bender:
If MK&A were part of my intervention, I'd...
(a) Seriously consider staying on drugs to see how many times they visit
(b) Seriously consider whether I was still high at the time
(c) Vomit a little
(d) All of the above
And don't tell Jodie, but she looks better now! People are talking about her again, and writing articles about her life! What kind of lesson does any girl learn when meth's been so good to a childhood star? Without meth, Jodie was just a washed-up has-been, married to a cop on the LAPD, 24 years old and bored. She couldn't even get an E! True Hollywood Story.
The Olsens got an A&E Biography special.
Jodie Sweetin did crank for fun.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Role Repetition
Why is every under-30 love interest now played by Jake Gyllenhaal?
Every over-30 love interest played by Matthew McConaughey?
Every fiancé played by Dermot Mulroney?
And why does every crazy cameo feature Christopher Walken?
Every over-30 love interest played by Matthew McConaughey?
Every fiancé played by Dermot Mulroney?
And why does every crazy cameo feature Christopher Walken?
Carson Daly is Not Remotely Funny
Who said it was acceptable to let Carson Daly, that no-talent ass clown, tell jokes?? I don't care that it's his show! He has ZERO comedic background!Just because NBC foolishly gave you the timeslot after Conan O'Brien doesn't mean you're given a Friar's Club membership and a free pass to be the least funny person awake at 1:40am.
Carson, your laugh track is more entertaining then you are. Go home.
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