The Cold on a Warm Day

My sinuses have been taken hostage. I'm in the process of negotiating a release in exchange for some DayQuil. Prospects look grim.

I tried stopping at Whole Foods for some cold medicine. They didn't have any brand name stuff. The only thing resembling a "Quil" was something green called "Umcka" Cold Care. I really like this product. Not because it has a higher alcohol content than normal cold medicine, and not because it's completely useless in actually relieving symptoms.

It's the name.

Think about it: an entire line of pharmaceuticals named after a sound you make when you've got that affliction! You can't tell me you don't make a sound like "UMCKA!" when clearing the phlegm from your throat.

Think about the possibilities:

• An antacid called "Burrp"
• A laxative called "Pfthpt"
• An erectile dysfunction drug called "I...ah...(sigh)...I'm sorry, I just...no, no, I love you...this is my fault...of course you look beautiful...no, Honey, I don't know why I bought the herbal alternative... yes, yes, I'll definitely buy the brand name one next time...oh wait Honey I think it's bac-- no, never mind, false alarm...yes, I suppose you can just go to sleep now, this just isn't happening...(sigh)..."

All coming soon from Nature's Way.

Time to return to work and not breathing.