Now with Lime!

When did soda companies decide that we now all want lime in our drinks?

I just tried Coca-Cola with Lime. It's not that great. It's not even much different than normal Coke. It just has a slightly more citrus-y after-taste. And a green plastic cap. With no sweepstakes underneath. Bastards.

First they put cherry in. Fine. Good. I think we're all okay with that, even if it is just repackaged Dr. Pepper after all.

Then they added vanilla. Alright...kind of out of the blue, but still tasty. Look, I had one friend growing up who actually asked for vanilla in his Coke. Only the nice restaurants would even do it. This wasn't bursting with mass-market appeal. Nowadays, half the stores don't even carry it. Hiring Chazz Palminteri as your spokesperson couldn't have helped. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

Maybe Coke is just starting a conspiracy to monopolize every button on a vending machine. Now, instead of Coke, Sprite, Ginger Ale, and 4 varieties of Shasta that NOBODY EVER DRINKS, Coke feels the need to dominate every option.

I just took another swig of the bottle-- I didn't even taste lime that time. I think this whole thing is a psychological scam to sell more crap we never asked for.

At what point do the people rise as one to slay this monster before it does too much damage. Did we learn nothing from New Coke? You don't mess with the recipe. Now what does Coke do 25 years later? They mess with the recipe! Where does this stop?

Coke...with two scoops of raisins! Coke with BBQ sauce! Coke with Coke -- it's twice the Coke, in half the space!

Maybe they could appeal to the alcoholic demographic, since it's clear that the addition of lime juice is really a poor man's Coca-Cola Gimlet: Coke & Tonic, Coke w/Onions, Coke and Orange Juice (mmm...a coke screwdriver-- whatdya think that tastes like? If you said "ass", you would be correct). Or just give the people what they really want: Coke and Moonshine. Let's not half-ass this. If you want to add something to Coke, why not something that could make you go blind if you consume too much.

While we're on the topic, a green cap should only stand for one thing: Absinthe. There ya go, that's how you sell more cans. Two words: alleged hallucinogen.

Man, I'm just so full of good ideas...

Ed. Note: After re-reading all of this, I’m starting to think I need to reduce my intake of caffeinated beverages.