First, Ms. Mallory Stuchin. Mallory has proven her mettle writting about what the French refer to as "doin' it". Sorry, my mistake; the French actually call it "Le Doin' It."
Yes, it's about making sweet, sweet love. I'm not even talking Barry Manilow sex. I'm talkin' Barry White sex. In the laundry room. In a college dorm. Freshman year. Hopefully using a rubber. Cuz it's nasty in the laundry room.No I mean it. It's really nasty down there, what with lint and detergent puddles everywhere. At least I think that's detergent...
I'm also a fan of the article because Mal's picture is from my birthday party. So like, if this article leads to book deals, fame, and fortune, well then I'm just saying I wouldn't be averse to being taken out for a nice dinner or given a Maserati or something.
Mallory, you're a real-life Carrie Bradshaw (with a better nose) and have shown true potential here. Keep up the good work. Friends tell me that they're more than willing to help in your research for future articles. On that note, allow me to deeply apologize to Blake, a dear friend and Mallory's older brother, who likely will want to kill me for putting his sister and sex in the same thought.
By the way, Mallory's 8-years-old.
(Sidebar: Mallory's not really 8-years-old. I was just trying to upset the prudes who frown upon sex with minors.)
The next person I'd like to call up to light a candle is my Poppy Murray-- no wait, he cut the challah. So, I guess instead, let's talk a bit about Ms. Risa Needleman.
Risa opened her first art gallery last Friday night, and it was stupendous. Presented by The Risa Needleman Gallery, it focuses on diverse works of contemporary Latin American art. There's really some interesting, beautiful work, so I recommend swinging by her show at 186 Orchard Street (at Shimna) before it ends on September 3rd. Risa will be the one napping on the couch when you walk in. Only disturb her if you plan on buying something.
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