Sleeping on the Toilet

I'm waiting for a colleague to call me back. I've been waiting for the last 3 hrs. Every 45 minutes or so, he'll call, we'll talk for about a minute, and he'll need to jump off again. I get about a sentence in. Sentence and a half if I speak fast.

If it wasn't for this guy, I could have justifiably gone home at lunchtime. Today is the really light day between finishing one major 3-month-long project, and starting the next one tomorrow.

I want these hours of my life back. I could have been just as productive at home in my apartment... sleeping.

And yes, I realize I could have just gone to the men's room, sat down with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and snoozed for a bit, but I didn't think of it in time. Ingenius idea? You're damn right it is. This is the greatest way ever to power nap for 10 minutes. If anyone asks why you were gone so long, blame a gastrointestinal infection. How can they question that? What can they say, "Prove it"?!

Uncomfortable with faking a GI condition? Blame the exotic cuisine that gave you food poisoning from dinner and kept you up all last night. Kills two birds: explains your short sabbatical from your desk AND justifies your tired, bloodshot eyes! Jackpot!

Not that I've ever done this or anything. It just seems like it would be a clever...(ahem)... nevermind.

All I know is that 3 hours and 27 minutes have passed, and I've been reduced to doodling pictures of the glass pyramid at The Louvre on a notepad I stole from the Toronto Hilton 3 months ago, and reading an article about why Americans love Ranch dressing. And I'm fascinated.

This, after one of life's great mysteries was finally answered for me: "When white doves are released during a special event, where do they go?" Pleasantly, I learned that if they're real doves, they likely are hit by a car or starve to death. If they're not real doves, they usually survive because companies will use white homing pigeons who return to their trainer after release.

So, the doves either die... or turn out to just be city rats with wings? Wow, that's not the most diappointing fact I've ever learned about anything. Ever.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think my GI problem is acting up again. I'll be back in 20...